A dose of honesty

How about a dose of honesty?

My world has been a little cray cray lately. And by lately, I mean since around last October. I was one week into teaching my latest bible study, Rescued, when whammo! I was hit with one of those things you can’t see coming nor can you plan for it. Someone I love dearly suffered at the hands of evil. It was devastating. I knew that healing would take a very long time and the road wouldn’t be easy. But what I didn’t know was that the enemy was just getting started. The initial trauma was followed by a series of painful events that dragged on for months, and continues to do so. The saga continues. It isn’t even close to coming full circle yet. There have been some small victories along the way, but this is not over. Not even close.


I was so deeply affected by this that I couldn't hide it. I’m usually not one to try and hide how I really feel anyway, so when I was asked how I was doing, I didn’t respond with the expected “I’m okay,” or “I’m doing great!” or “Fine!”, ‘cause let’s be honest, I wasn’t okay, great or fine. I was heartbroken. Confused. Angry. Exhausted emotionally and spiritually. And quite frankly, terrified that maybe things weren’t going to turn out the way I hoped and prayed that they would.


But wait…there’s more. Recently, my husband and I faced something that we’ve only heard stories about. It’s something you believe only happen to other people. I’m watching my husband lose sleep over it and wrestle with how to best handle it. It’s extremely stressful, very complicated, and has shaken us in ways we could have never expected. (For the record, he and I are fine, our marriage is strong. This is something that hit us from the outside.) It’s also a situation that won’t be resolved quickly. The ramifications of this will last for a very, very long time.


In addition to of all of the above mentioned, God is also calling me to trust Him in ways I’ve never had to before. He's calling me to do something I've never done before, and something that quite honestly, I KNOW I cannot do. I know, I know, that’s part of a growing relationship with Jesus. It’s one thing for me to talk to others about trusting Jesus, it’s another thing when I have to wrestle through this myself. Recently, I sensed God whisper this to me:

“Paulette, you are going to have to learn to trust me in this. I know I am asking you to do something you have never done before. I know you want to know the details of the plan, but I’m not going to give them to you right now. I want you to follow my voice. I will lead you through the dark. Trust me. And yes, I am well aware of the fact that you cannot do what I’m asking you to do; that’s the point.”

(Sometimes I think I hear Him end with “Duh.” But maybe that’s just me.)


So what am I’m learning in all of this? I’m learning that it’s possible to be on the Crazy Train and simultaneously have one or two toes on the Struggle Bus. I’ll be honest peeps, I’ve been struggling! But through it all, here’s what I’m learning to be true:


God is faithful. He who began a good work is faithful to complete it.

I don’t have to see how all of this works out. I just have to trust Jesus. One step at a time.

It’s okay to struggle and wrestle through things. And it’s also okay if the struggle goes on for more than a day. Or two. Or weeks. Or even months. God is faithful to meet with me in the midst of my struggle.

He really does give strength for the day.

His mercies really are new every morning.

It’s very important to have good girlfriends around that will listen as I wrestle through some of these things. Sometimes a good laugh really is the best medicine. And the faithful prayers of a friend are worth more than all the chocolate in the world.


Let's be honest. We all struggle sometimes and life will get crazy every now and then. But just because life gets crazy doesn't mean we have to. Let's resolve to lean into Jesus and allow Him to grow our faith roots deep during the crazy times. I want to come out on the other end of this struggle stronger than before, don't you? I'll be doggoned if this will be in vain! Something good WILL come out of it. God said so. :) 

And we know that all things work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28