It’s been one heck of a year, peeps. I realize it’s only the 10th of November so it’s a little early for my yearly self-evaluation. I usually wait until mid-December to start looking back over the past year to see what events and circumstances have occurred that have shaped me, challenged me, pushed me, broken me and grown me. But, despite being about a month before my usual time frame to do such, I have found myself the past few weeks taking a deep look at all that has happened to me and around me in the last 12 months. I thought about writing a list but decided against it. Truth is, I’m not sure anyone would actually believe it.
Lately I’ve felt like I’m walking around with a tornado in my frontal lobes. There are so many heart breaking and devastating things going on around me that sometimes it feels like I’m about to crack under the pressure. But, at the same time, God has been and is very active. His Presence in my life is undeniable and He has been and is doing some amazing things – things that I know good and well would not and could not happen in my own strength or by my own efforts.
I do my best to focus on these things.
I do my best to practice an attitude of gratitude.
I do my best to make every effort to be thankful and to practice opening my mouth and speaking out loud Scriptural truths.
I do my best to fix my eyes on Jesus.
Do I experience His peace? Yes.
Do I experience His hope? Yes.
Do I experience His strength in me? Yes.
Do I still bawl my eyes out? Oh, yes. On a regular basis.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m spiritually bipolar. (Is it just me??!!)
Then just this morning, I read this sweet little verse tucked away in Acts 20:19:
“I served the Lord with great humility and with tears and in the midst of severe testing…”
I don’t know about you, but this verse was exactly what I needed to hear. It reminded me that there is a reason why Paul wrote elsewhere in Galatians 6:9:
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Hey. Guess what? It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to feel the weight of difficult and trying circumstances.
So I’m just gonna keep on crying when I feel the need to shed a few tears. (And by a few, most often I mean a good old fashioned ugly-cry).
I believe the key to crying well is where we are we crying.
One of my favorite moments recorded in the Gospels is the account of the woman in Luke 7:38:
As she stood behind Him at His feet weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
What a beautiful picture.
Here’s what I know:
Life is not easy.
I’m going to cry.
But, by golly, I’m not going to give up.
When I cry, I will cry at the feet of my precious Savior.
And some day, I will reap a harvest.
“Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” Psalm 126:6